Conker's Darkest Hour A Conker's Bad Fur Day Novel
by Blue AuronX
Summary: Based on the original BFD but with a bit more context and funny moments the story is the same with a few added scenes to explain the book from a reader's perspective Conker also makes loads of various movie reference's making it alot more unique than the videogame. Also if this fanfic story does well enough im hoping that i can license it to be published in physical form.
1. Prologue The Cock And Plucker

**Conker's Darkest Hour (A Conker's Bad Fur Day Novel)**

**(C)2019. Blue Heart Publishing**

**(It all started yesterday and what a day that was it's what i call ... A Bad Fur Day) excert from the game.**

**Prologue The Cock And Plucker**

**(10:45PM A Good Night Lead's To A Bad Day)**

Another round for the road aye "Conker" one of the bloke's around the drinking table smirked as Conker the squirrel stood up from his chair and continued towards the telephone's in the back "trying to ignore both the rain outside and the throbbing headache pounding away in his skull he knew he would have to call Berri and let her know that he was going to be home late once again. Too much drinking with the lad's was his one and only excuse that might do him justice whenever he got home late Berri didn't like it nor this other side of Conker since they begun dating things in their relationship had started going downhill. Conker would usually arrive home after 3AM completely drunk and in a sour mood while Berri would already be in bed getting ready to go to sleep. Conker was sure that Berri was at end's meet with their relationship. And that sooner or later she would pack her bags and fuck off completely ruining the chance to fix things propely he didn't want to lose her. As Conker climbed on to the chair to dial the house number he felt a pain zap through his body making his testicles sore his bladder now reaching that breaking point also making movement a chore of its own the headache continued to pound away and Conker could swear it had gotten worse than earlier. After 4 ring's he was sure Berri wasn't going to answer but on the 5th instead the phone's static cut through and all he got was their answering machine**. ****"Hi you've reached like Berri's place leave a number and if u sound cute i may ring you back ciao...Beep "Hi Berri its me if your there pick up hello, "Berri... Oh look anyways im gonna be home a bit late i met up with a couple of guys and apparently their off tomorrow to i don't know fight some war somewhere. Anyways i''ll see you ... love you****, **"the call ended and Conker sighed wearily he hated having to do this every night when his friend's decided to plan a guy's night out which just involved them all drinking to the point where they were unable to stand yet alone move the joy's of been an alcoholic huh? "Conker said bitteraly to the lad's as he retuned to the table to continue in on the chatter going around the pub and their card game. Minutes turned into hours and by 1AM Conker felt like he was gonna die his head was pounding like crazy and the ache in both his stomach and his testicles had gotten to the point where they felt like they were going to burst. Ugh i don't feel so good now Conker mumbled not sure if he was talking to the lad's or himself as he painfully moved from his seat the band still playing their jazz music in the background and started heading toward's the door in the back of course the toilet would have been the best bet if he was going to throw guys have a good night and i'll probably see you sometime next week... i gotta go home he started hobbling toward's the door. Outside the rain was as bad as Conker had pictured it heavy and cold its droplet's splattering the floor's tiles where he was standing "Huh' doesn't look too good tonight he muttered before choking on his sentence in the process "ughh' hang on a sec. No sooner had the words come out that Conker had hurled his guts out throwing up violently from all the beer's his stomach now in complete agony making Conker shiver from both the cold and the pain in his lower region. The monk standing next to him didn't appreciate the fact that Conker had just thrown up right next to where he was standing " after Conker had regained control of his mind taking in the situation and what had just happended he turned to the little monk with the hood shielding his face and apoligized softly "ah sorry about that old chap gotta go he said as he started trying to get his bearings before walking off into the cold dark night.

Meanwhile in the Fabled Panther King's Throne Room

The rain continued to pelt down outside the castle situated on top of the very long hill it overlooked as two guard's wielding spears started walking down a very long hallway looking sourly at each other as the big wooden doors swung open to reveal a chamber with a cat like creature staring glumly at the glass he was holding the stool next to his chair was missing a leg the guard noticed as he came face to face with his so called boss. He gulped softly as he saw the carton with a picture of a red squirrel on the label"more milk sire the smaller guard of the two spoke as he picked up the carton and began to fill up the animal's glass. The cat like creature gulped it down in one swift movement then slowly reached his arm out to place the empty glass on the table next to his chair. It began to sway backwards' and forwards for a few seconds then noticing their was no support on the legs it tipped the glass smashing on the floor in the process. Shit the guard knew that what was about to happen next was going to be bad as the cat angrily let out a big roar showing his fang's while doing so.


	2. Chapter 1 Hungover

**Chapter 1 Hungover**

**Sometime Early In The Morning**

Conker awoke suddenly aware that he wasn't in his bed back home opening one bloodshot eye he slowly began looking around trying to get a clue as to where he was 'the pain" brought him back to reality and he coughed loudly nearly choking in the process. His head was still pounding away along with his stomach and groin. "Where the hell am i" he wondered as he tried moving himself the pain growing worse as he did so but at least he wasn't shivering from the cold anymore. "Conker groaned loudly as he shifted from the dirt he was lying on to his feet and started walking. He was in a large field ahead he could see a large stream that flowed freely to connect with the waterfall and next to that was a little cabbage patch with a bunch of carrot's and other vegetable's growing out of. As he turned the corner he saw a scarecrow leaning against a perch that had "FECK OFF CROW'S) written. Conker laughed a little from the joke the point the message was trying to to get across, "he rubbed his stomach which was growling away making him feel even more like shit than earlier. Clearly this wasn't just a sign of been hungry. Suddenly the scarecrow now snapped out of his slumber stared at Conker trying to make out who the red squirrel was "but couldn't. Oh hello Conker said drowsily can you help me? i need to get home and go to bed cause i don't feel very well at all. The scarecrow now had Conker's attention turned to him and replied solemnly with home... no" no" this made Conker sad turning his attention away from the scarecrow and gazing his head around the field he sighed wearily

"oh so you can't help me out at all? the scarecrow now feeling bad for his first words said to Conker picked himself up and attempted to smile and slowly said "ah yes i think i can actually there's these things they're called context sensitive pads using them you can do certain things and trigger different events like the one behind me the scarecrow spun his body around and pointed to a large wooden platform sticking out of the mud. Okay what's your name? Conker asked hesitantly worried if he might have said too much to the scarecrow but then realised that wasn't the case. Birdy my name's Birdy okay "Beardy? but you haven't got a beard Conker laughed "the scarecrow didn't find it funny no, "Birdy i scare birdies" i'm a scarecrow you dickhead. Conker felt a tiny bit pissed off but didn't show it. Conker deciding not to waste any more of Birdy's time trudged over to the wooden platform he had mentioned before and triggered it. The first thing Conker did was pull out a bottle of scotch whiskey from his jacket 'that was fucking weird" he mumbled under his breath i don't remember that been there' as Birdy reached out for the sweet nectar. Ah don't mind if i do the smelly scarecrow said as he sucked back on the bottle downing the whole thing in one big gulp. "So what does that mean? Conker asked curiously as Birdy licked his lips finishing off what was left of the booze. Its called context sensitive it's sensitive to context? why don't you go over there and use that he pointed across the field to another platform not far from where Conker had awoke less than an hour ago. Conker pocketed what remained of the scotch and wearily walked over to the stump and triggered it he pulled out a glass of liquid 'water? by the looks of it judging by the color and a few tablets and mixing them both together he downed the drink. Instantly his headache began to clear as did the pain in his body making him feel alot better. "Whoa just what i needed in fact it would seem to me that these gave me just what i need at that moment in time. Oh now thinking back to what Birdy had said Conker started to understand the advice the smelly scarecrow had given him context sensitive. "I see what he means oh ho and i feel load's better right let's get out of here' he laughed in amusement it was time to leave.

Conker now having full energy once again for the first time in what felt like day's started jogging toward's the stream he had seen earlier it was pretty shallow he guessed judging by both his shadow stretching out over the cool water's edge and the small bits of vegetation growing out of. Conker dropped into the water "Fuck Cold! he yelled but bit through the pain he had to find a way out of here and the waterfall would have been the first place to start. As he climbed out onto dry land again his mind began flooding with a bunch of thoughts one of them was something about a hover trick he had taught himself to do with his tail it was basically like extending a jump and in a way he knew it would become an important trick in the long run.


End file.
